Life
by N7-SpaceHamsters
Summary: Commander Jane Shepard died and came back once because she was willing to give everything up for her crew. She'd do it again to save the universe, and destroy so much that she created. But what happens after? Whats left?


Life will out. No matter the cost or the circumstance. It will grow and thrive if the world will let it. Life can persevere through the impossible. To defy death, to beat the odds. Because all that is takes is to find the strength to not let one breath be your last, to will your heart to keep beating. To push on to see the next day, and then the next. So even when backed into a wall, crushed by rubble and bleeding out on a war field, life will out.

He rushed down the hallways reading the room number over and over in his head again, mouthing the words in a hushed breath as if there was a fraction of a possibility that he'd forget. He found the door and was about to barrel inside when he heard a gentle chuckle, a small laugh. Sweet and light and familiar. It was her. Her laugh. The laugh he thought he'd heard for the last time. For so long he fought with the idea that he'd lost her, again. But he wouldn't take it this time, no matter how much his brain had screamed at him that he needed to accept it he wouldn't. She couldn't be gone, and she wasn't.

Weeks without coms had left his mental state fragile. The plaque with her name on it sat on the desk in her quarters. A reminder screaming at him that he was wrong. But even when the screaming became so loud it was defining, when his dreams were hallow and black because that's all he could hear, he wouldn't put it up. Perhaps it was because he was weak, perhaps someone stronger would have had it in them to accept what happened and put up the plague. To mourn and move on. But he couldn't do it, not for a second time

He heard his friends whispering their pity when he wasn't there. Their apologies were written on their faces pooling in their eyes. They were all suffering for she had been so important to all of them, but they would make it through this. They would live on and tell her stories to honour her memory. What no one else realized was, that he wouldn't. If everything everyone said was right if she was gone. He wouldn't be far behind. The pain from her first death still carved in his heart as invisible scares, fear and anguish burned in his stomach when he woke up and she wasn't there. To suffer all that a new, after getting her back, after all the time he wasted with selfish disagreement and misplaced anger, he wouldn't do it. Not again. He wasn't going to live without her.

As his nights grew darker, longer and far heavier his mind would swirl around the possibility more and more. As the Normandy sailed through space endlessly without word from anywhere hopes dropped. His will was weak, the crew kept him sane because they needed a leader, but beneath the surface of a saddened war vet grieving his friend, lay a broken man teetering on the edge.

He was alone, that night, the night they finally reached someone beyond the scoop of their ship. Like most night he had been in her quarters, sitting on the floor staring up at her fish tank. Despite the food ration he still managed to find something for her pets, the many colourful fish she often spent hours watching to clear her mind. And the small hamster of which she adored. It might not have meant much to him, but it would have made her happy.

Tali had come racing into the room, she ran right past him and volleyed over the steps to her bed. She looked around confused until Kaidan stood up, she rushed over to him and grabbed both of his arms.

"She's alive." When the small quarian said it he didn't quite believe it at first. He stood there staring at her for a while,

"Kaidan did you hear me? She's alive! Shepard survived! We got Admiral Hackett on the coms right now." Without saying a word he sprinted from the room and got to the com room as fast as he could. It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke to the Admiral. Hackett told him everything, how they had won, how things were safe and how she was alive. All be it hospitalized with severe injuries. Hackett said he had seen her himself and that for the first few weeks things hadn't looked good, that she had lost one of her legs and had about a dozen other injuries and complications. But just as she always did, she got through it and was on her way to recovering. No more than a few days later, with the help of alliance personnel, the Normandy crew had been able to contact people back home. With the help of the Alliance members, any of the Normandy's remaining problems were solved and the ship was in as good a condition for its return to earth. But without the help of the mass relays, it was going to be a long flight home. Hackett had promised to send a ship to meet them halfway. This way the ship could be picked up and returned to earth for full inceptions and repairs, and the crew could get real food that wasn't severely rationed.

It was another month before they reached the alliance ship and once abroad everything had been taken care of, food water, clean clothes, everything they needed. But he had hardly cared about any of that, his first questions once his crew had been taken care of were about her. He wanted to know everything he could. After some convincing from his friends, he had cleaned up and eaten a proper meal. Soon he was put on a private vid call with Hackett to discuss everything. He wasted no time asked about her once he did his job as acting CO and relayed a formal report of what had happened. He tried to keep his interest sounding strictly of that of a strong friendship but his emotions might have betrayed his act to the Admiral. Breaking regs had hardly seemed important to him at the time, but there was still rules and regulations. But Hackett said nothing to point out the spectres intense interests in his CO's state, the admiral only answered all of his questions will diligence and wholehearted honesty.

She was out of the coma she had previously been in, awake and responsive. She was still hospital bound and dealing with her injuries, she wasn't quite able to walk, or do much of anything but she was awake. As reports on her condition continued to flow in no one was surprised to learn a few weeks later Shepard was fighting the hospital staff and trying to get back on her feet as soon as possible. Garrus and the others had begun placing bets on how long it would take her to start walking with a prosthetic and how much longer after that it would be until she wanted back in the action. He kept out of the biting pool since he was just happy she was okay. With communications restored and hopes of the Normandy crew now lifted he found himself content but, anxious as hell to get back to earth and see her himself. Almost immediately after the messaging systems had come back online, he started receiving messages from his family, from the alliance and finally he got one from her. It wasn't a long message for it indicated that her mother had written since Shepard still fought with lack of mobility. So no long heartfelt message, but it was enough to settle his fear and worry until he was finally able to physically see her. The message had also said they had things to discuss, important things, it also warned that these things were not dire or horrible and that he shouldn't worry. He had chuckled reading that her telling him not to worry, after three months of thinking she could be dead, she tells him not to worry.

So here he was three months since the defeat of the reapers and last time he had seen the woman he loved. So desperate to see her after all that time but somehow he was frozen outside her door. Would she look different? What did they need to talk about? Was she walking? But something in his bones drove past all his anxiety and fear and he pushed the door open. There she stood in the middle of the room looking out a window, her left arm wrapped heavily in bandage. Her left leg colored in angry red and healing burns and cut, her right was void of any skin color. Cold metal from mid-thigh down, her prosthetic looked seamlessly like a normal leg, skin replaced by metal. She looked over her shoulder at the sound of the door and he could see her face. The bottom of her jaw and cheek on the right side was ragged with burned scars. A thick cut stretched across the left corner of her forehead down over her eye and onto her opposite cheek, all turned to scar but red with healing. Even with all her scars and marks she somehow looked even more beautiful than he could ever remember. He raced across the room and pulled her tightly into his arms. Holding her too tight as he feared if he'd let her go she'd disappear and he'd wake up from this dream. He buried his head into her shoulder and neck and felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes. She threw both arms around his neck hand tangled in his hair, he could feel her pounding heart on his chest. She was there, in his arms, alive. Despite everything, he feared she was alive.

There was the sound of footsteps then the click of the door opening then closing again. There had been another woman in the room, short cropped blond hair that matched Jane's, Hannah Shepard. Gone to give them some privacy he suspected. Now alone in the room lost in one another, he finally dared to speak.

"You're alive." He whispered into her hair, it was longer than he remembered, but she still smelled the same, she still smelled like home to him.

"I'm alive." She said back, a laugh airy in her voice. He reluctantly let her go and stepped back to look at her. Not willing to lost contact just yet, she took a step forward with her prosthetic leg but lost her balance and fell forward. Kaidan reached out and caught her before she fell. With a heavy chuckle, he picked her up and helped to set her on the bed that sat against the far wall. He set her down and quickly fell to sit on the edge beside her, not losing her touch for a second. His hand found hers, he laced his fingers through hers and brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her fingers and hand lovingly. She was alive. Kaidan pulled their joined hands back down and took to admiring her, memorizing every little detail he could about her.

"You look beautiful." He whispered.

"I missed you." She said her voice heavy and relived.

"I love you," He told her as he planted a kiss to her hand again, a smile stretching across his lips. "I love you so much, and I missed you too, more than I thought my heart could take. I thought-"

"I love you too." She said cutting him off as she leaned closer capturing his lips with her own. The kiss was gentle and soft a quick brush of her lips across his, holding his cheek in her hand. At the contact Kaidan was hit with a surge of powerful emotion, he had missed her so much. Slow Kaidan pulled back to admire her once again. The marks on her face still red and harsh, he traced his fingers over the edge of her jaw and over the rough burn marks.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as she caught his hand with her own, bringing it away from her scars.

"I'm fine. Better than fine now that you're here." He looked at her, she shifted and played with the bandage on her arm, wincing when it pulled for twisted with her movement. Jane Shepard was never a woman who made her suffering known, she had always hidden it and would do so now.

"If you're in pain just say so, I'll go get a nurse." He began slowly getting up when she caught his hand.

"Kaidan, its fine, I'm fine. Please just stay." He settled back down and took her hand with both of his.

"I'm not going anywhere." She smiled and relaxed her shoulders.

"Good, because we've got things to talk about."

"Whats wrong?" He asked settling in closer to her. She looked at him confused.

"You haven't noticed?" She said with a chuckle, his confusion depended, when his brows drew together she chuckled again and gestured to herself. Kaidan looked her up and down, eyes traveling over her body down to her leg. Blue-silver metal glistened in the harsh hospital room light, the pale edge of what remained of her skin was just barely visible beneath the alliance issue shorts she was wearing. He quickly returned his eyes to hers,

"It's okay, I know you struggled with it before but give it time. Soon it'll be like you never lost it." He tried to comfort her but she didn't seem satisfied, eyebrows drew together as she looked confused and slightly annoyed. He was missing something.

"What?" He asked still confused, she gestured to herself again and with a sigh Kaidan let his eyes travel back to her leg and up again scanning for further injury. Having found nothing he looked back to her face and shrugged, but then it had clicked. In the split second that he had seen it. His eyes lit up with shock and he looked back to what had caught his attention. His eyes widen and he heard Shepard laugh. He saw it now. Her stomach once tight and ridged with muscle was now larger, it was rounded and soft. Bulging against her t-shirt just slightly enough to draw suspicion. He looked back to her, his eyes alive with shock.

"Are you?" He asked unable to finish the sentence as he looked back to her extend belly. She chuckled.

"A little over three months," Kaidan had been hit with so many emotions all at once but the second she told him how long a weight fell hard into his stomach making it lurch. A little over three months made sense, but that would have made her pregnant when she fought the reapers.

"How did it, or he, she have survived…" He trailed off not even wanting to think about it.

"I was just days pregnant when I fought the Reapers. She was little more than a cell fusion at the time." Shepard calmly explained her fingers still laced with his. Kaidan looked between Jane and her stomach again and again,

"She?" He asked his voice coming out horse and rough. Shepard nodded with a gentle smile.

"She." She confirmed with a nod. Kaidan let out a choked laugh and dropped his head into his hands. He took in a shuttered breath as he felt tears being to roll down his cheeks. He let out a quiet sob and Shepard tugged at his arm, he looked up at her, she was scared and happy all at once. Her eyes begged him to say something good. He broke out into a huge smile and fell forward to hug her. He pulled her into his arms as the tears continued to flow freely down his face.

"Well, shit." He said with a chuckle "We're going to be parents."

"Yeah, looks like we are. One more reaper fighter to add to the crew." Kaidan laughed into her hair, his tears turning it wet.

"Got any names in mind?" He asked and Shepard let out a small laugh of her own as Kaidan pulled back to look at her.

"Just one, I think we should call her Ashley." Kaidan's heart ached at remembering his fallen comrade and friend, but there wasn't a single other name he felt could have fit better.

"It's perfect." He said, looking into her pale eyes, Shepard took one of his hands and place it on her stomach, the warmth of her skin reaching his hand, making him feel something, unlike anything he had ever felt before.

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AN/I hope you enjoyed my little one shot, let me know what you think in the comments, thanks! : )


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